MY FATHER STARTED RINGING IN MY EARS.

One page of my diary

I just commence my diary talking about wedding

Marriage used to be the biggest dream of life for young boys and girls a few years ago and even marriages based on arranged marriages not love.

The marriage of a boy or a girl was arranged by the elders of the house according to their own preferences and circumstances in the houses of relatives or friends.

There was love even in those days, but love had to be kept very secret. Despite a thousand attempts, people knew about love.

Mostly it was a one-sided love affair ... Even if it was two-way, it would be based on the kindness of the love messenger. Getting together and eating together was not only difficult but impossible ...

The lover would have had the day of Eid when he would have seen his girlfriend from a distance of one hundred meters if fortunately his girlfriend would have been seen laughing for some other reason.

 So the lover, because of his love and understanding, would understand that she was laughing when she saw me. And she loves me too ... But this understanding does not last long because reality is reality.

Well, while talking about weddings i  changed the topic and got involved in other things.

When I was studying in 4th class, my paradise my sweet mom passed away I am the eldest son of my parents ... And my dear father was the only brother of his four sisters ...

Since I was very attached to my mother, my world was deserted after her death. Since we three brothers and one sister were very young, my father had to remarry.

Well, life was getting back on track with great difficulty ... When I was in the ninth grade, I realized that I had sacrificed myself for such and such a girl from birth.

Because this love was also partially bilateral. Despite the extreme secrecy, the people of the time did not know how to find out ... and in the process, my father also found out,

My father was educated and very fond of hunting, From the time I was thirteen years old, he used to take me with him hunting. And gradually hunting became my hobby too.

After the passing of my mother, my father, In addition to the love of the father, also he tried hard to give the love of the mother he succeeded to some extent in that. That's why I became so attached to my father ... One day my father and I went to a forest for hunting. At that time I was studying in the 10th class.

Sitting in a quiet place in the forest, my father started talking about my love after a short introduction, because at that time I was good at reading.

So my father said just spend another two years and after doing FSC you will be able to get admission in any medical college then I will be engaged to this girl. And this is my promise that if I live, no power in the world will be able to take it away from you.

Day and night were passing and I was busy with my studies that is why my father used to go hunting alone. Just a month before the matriculation exam, my father also went to Allah Mian in an accident. What will happen to me on that day will be understood only by those who have gone through it. After the death of my father, 

all the priorities of my life changed and it is not unreasonable to say that my own life was over. I don't know when I took the matriculation exam and passed.

One day i was sitting in my room and my father's guns were hanging in his designated place. I pulled out a gun and went hunting without telling anyone.

When I reached the forest, I wept bitterly and complained to the Lord. After crying a lot, I thought once I realized that I am not so much a child that I can not take responsibility for my dearest family, my universe, a widow of my father, and small children.

After this feeling matured, I made a decision and came home and after that day I started doing what I used to do for the better future of my family by living within the honor and family traditions.

Life goes on day and night. One day when I came home from another area, I found out that this girl is getting married next Sunday. Hearing this, for a few moments, I also kept myself awake, dreaming man began to understand and began to cry.

After crying for a while, when those words of my father started ringing in my ears. "If I were alive, no power in the world would be able to take her away from you." Don't be snatched from ... ۔ And this is the girl whose presence can help me come to life.

Well, what was to happen now, the world had changed. For a long time, tears used to fall on my heart instead of dripping from my eyes ... So the people of the time did not know whether I was happy or sad ????

When the heart becomes barren then happiness and sadness also become meaningless ...

My other mother could not see me and was crying secretly ...

After knowing her condition, I said, "Mother, have a cup of tea. I have to go somewhere for some work." Mom brought a cup of tea, after drinking tea, when I started to get up, Mom screamed and touched my feet and said, son, don't get discouraged and don't do anything that will cause your father's family new difficulties.

That simple mother thought that I should not commit suicide ???? She was helpless to put a fake smile on her lips. When did her son die? And the one who is alive is only going to fulfill his part of the responsibilities ...

I said mother don't worry I am very strong. If I can live in the separation of my mother and father, I will be able to live without a hundred girlfriends ...

And he said yes I want to go out of the house for a few days ... Mom allowed me to carry some promises. ... So I came to my father's grave, recited the Fatiha and told him my whole story and said that it is not your fault.

If you were alive then maybe this turn would not come. Then I said to my father, don't worry, your family is progressing twice a day and four times a night, God willing. Since I am broken again, I want to stay out of the city for a few days, so I took permission from him and went to another city.

The Day of Judgment is someone else ...

I think the strongest creature in the world is the man. If this person decides to do anything and the help of the Lord is involved, then he will do something that is not enough for other creatures of the world ...

Circumstances and the grace of the Lord, the days have come when all the sons and daughters of my friend mean, ie my father, were able to live a very dignified life And also benefited from higher education, Now that my responsibilities had diminished, I often lived in another city away from home.

I had no dreams and no wish, but by the grace of Allah it happened so much that he could do whatever he wanted ... so he was capricious but tried to live the present ... Even if he forgot, he would not think of the past because whenever he went into the past, he would go crazy.

One day when I came home from my duty city, my mother and siblings said that we got engaged to you. For a while, I was surprised when I regained consciousness.

Do you all know that I do not want to get married? Because I don't want anyone to wake up because of me, someone's lovely daughter to get in trouble ... Because I am a mentally incomplete human being.

I may not be able to keep this guest happy. So don't commit this crime. They did not listen to me and married me in a respectable way, eating and drinking and in a big family ...

Five days after the wedding night, I did not get a chance to meet my wife because of guests and friends. When we met on the sixth night,

I told her stories and also said that if your will is not included in this marriage or you are not happy, then tell me, and I will refer you to your family with respect. ۔ And also said that as I told you I have a mentally incomplete and infallible personality. ...

Well, my appearance and home conditions were such that a girl would consider it a loss to lose me ... And at the same time I had mastered with great difficulty and there is also a job ... she said that in our family, daughters get married once. I am happy and you accept me,

I said because I am a stubborn, egoistic, self-made, and sensitive person ... So the day you feel that your life is getting worse because of me, tell me and go home ...

However, thank God she is very happy and life is going very well ... I pray that the next life will be better ... Amen